Penis is Power!
I did a post early on titled something like Penis Envy. Its a topic I haven't touched that much upon since then but something I figured I'd write about supplementally. In many ways I think this part of my psychology is one of the more unique things about me but also one of the more complicated things about me as well and something that comes accross my mind. Also, my recent entrees has been more about my progression then goals or rleationship thoughts so here is the change up.
As obvious, I am transitioning to a girl. I've been on hormones for over a month now and actually going into the doctor again about 10 days from now to double the dosage. One of the effects of estrogen is making my privates smaller and when I do the gender reassignment surgery (most likely around 18 months from now) that will be changed into a vagina. So then considering I'm seemingly willingly making the change to female, why would someone like me have penis envy so badly? lol.
To rather then say to much of the why like the last post I'm going to go into it more from an example/story stand point this time. The first exhibit being how cock is so symbolic of power, dominance, winning, success, masculinity. For example, going "big dick" is a lingo used in gaming when someone does something very daring and successful. Calling someone a pussy is generally seen as an insult and sign of weakness. So already there is the phychology of the cock being powerful and a good thing compared to not having one or being a girl.
There is also the sexual side of things. The cock penetetrates. That right there is a sign of power. It is the active party in sex. Whereas sexually in a lot of ways the entire female body is used, from the beauty of the girl, "three holes," breast, things like slaping or choking or hair pulling and stuff. I'm just trying to point out examples of it. But sexually for the guy, its pretty much all about his cock getting pleasure. Pretty much everythign resovles around that. One of a guys favorite things from what I hear is getting blowjobs or face fucking. That usually has a girl kneeling, getting no pleasure of her own, and in some ways worshiping but in other ways getting discomfort just for the sake of a cocks pleasure. That act alone almost places the cock over women.
Cock, well more specifically testicals, is a major source of testrorone for a man. That testorone is in many ways what makes him superior to women. Stronger, think more logically, agressivness, compeititive, more capable and so on. So in many ways the cock is the sources of what make men so great!
So then why would I want to lose that and then even knowing i'll lose it why do I have penis envy? And why will it probably get worse for me as I do become a full female? I'll give examples on that, but first I should point out that in a lot of ways this isn't a hoice i'm making but something i have to do. I really did try to do the man thing. I thought it would be easier. And I really did fail at it. It caused me more anxiety, any relationships I had failed because of it, and making myself be someone I'm not and so on. The reality is, if anyone got to choose what they like and what they are attracted too. Most people would choose to be normal and be into the same thing everyone else is, and be into jobs that pay well and basically love or be what ever gives highest success. But things dont go that way. Same with my transition to a girl. Its a struggle for me every day trying to do the man thing. And in many ways I'm now at peace that I'm on the journey to being a girl. Thats actually one of my planned blog entrees in teh future about how I feel now that I'm actually doing the medicine and lifestyle changes and on tract to fulfill my full feminization.
So back onto that, I did not choose to go become a female as much as its what I need to do to be happy in life. I know I could choose not too, but I already tried that, and didnt' work out. So now i'm going where I'm naturally inclined. So thats the mental aspect, lets talk about the sexual side of it. Obviouslly I have the tool down there right now, so If I have penis envy or admire cock then why not use mine? Because I kind of dont know how. Dont get me wrong, I know the textbook procedures of doing it, but I have do drive or pleasure from it. Its kind of like a feeling as I know what I should do but dont know how or feel it. I also have high empathy and could never happily be anything other then sub. I'm also emotionally driven attraction wise and not froma physical stand point. So even though I have it, i dont know how to use it. Its like wanting to be a pro gamer, and knowing how the game is played, but when you start playing the game, you keep pushing the wrong buttons. In many of these ways, (besides it being a smaller member) I have it but can't use it. So I'm envious of guys who do use it and its power that it gives them. Remember How i mentioned i have natural feminine tendacies.
Anyways, I dont want to rehash the other blog post on this which is why I wont go too far into that. Anyways, what this does is make me admire cocks more. I dont really want to say worship them, becuse I dont have that impluse, But i certainly have penis envy, wish a had one or more specifically wish I could be a guy rather then naturally be a female. That last sentence is a hard part to get people to understand, especially real men and feminist, lol. Thats one of the reaons I avoid too many entrees on this subject.
To this gets onto the last aspect of the penis envy. The thought processes that goes through my mind is very contradictory and I think a guy who truly understands it would really enjoy that dynamic. You see, I admire cock, envious of it and the men to wield it, but to me its also humiliating and degrading that for the rest of my life every exposure I have to it will be myself being used for its pleasure. Being on the victim side of its power over me.
As obvious, I am transitioning to a girl. I've been on hormones for over a month now and actually going into the doctor again about 10 days from now to double the dosage. One of the effects of estrogen is making my privates smaller and when I do the gender reassignment surgery (most likely around 18 months from now) that will be changed into a vagina. So then considering I'm seemingly willingly making the change to female, why would someone like me have penis envy so badly? lol.
To rather then say to much of the why like the last post I'm going to go into it more from an example/story stand point this time. The first exhibit being how cock is so symbolic of power, dominance, winning, success, masculinity. For example, going "big dick" is a lingo used in gaming when someone does something very daring and successful. Calling someone a pussy is generally seen as an insult and sign of weakness. So already there is the phychology of the cock being powerful and a good thing compared to not having one or being a girl.
There is also the sexual side of things. The cock penetetrates. That right there is a sign of power. It is the active party in sex. Whereas sexually in a lot of ways the entire female body is used, from the beauty of the girl, "three holes," breast, things like slaping or choking or hair pulling and stuff. I'm just trying to point out examples of it. But sexually for the guy, its pretty much all about his cock getting pleasure. Pretty much everythign resovles around that. One of a guys favorite things from what I hear is getting blowjobs or face fucking. That usually has a girl kneeling, getting no pleasure of her own, and in some ways worshiping but in other ways getting discomfort just for the sake of a cocks pleasure. That act alone almost places the cock over women.
Cock, well more specifically testicals, is a major source of testrorone for a man. That testorone is in many ways what makes him superior to women. Stronger, think more logically, agressivness, compeititive, more capable and so on. So in many ways the cock is the sources of what make men so great!
So then why would I want to lose that and then even knowing i'll lose it why do I have penis envy? And why will it probably get worse for me as I do become a full female? I'll give examples on that, but first I should point out that in a lot of ways this isn't a hoice i'm making but something i have to do. I really did try to do the man thing. I thought it would be easier. And I really did fail at it. It caused me more anxiety, any relationships I had failed because of it, and making myself be someone I'm not and so on. The reality is, if anyone got to choose what they like and what they are attracted too. Most people would choose to be normal and be into the same thing everyone else is, and be into jobs that pay well and basically love or be what ever gives highest success. But things dont go that way. Same with my transition to a girl. Its a struggle for me every day trying to do the man thing. And in many ways I'm now at peace that I'm on the journey to being a girl. Thats actually one of my planned blog entrees in teh future about how I feel now that I'm actually doing the medicine and lifestyle changes and on tract to fulfill my full feminization.
So back onto that, I did not choose to go become a female as much as its what I need to do to be happy in life. I know I could choose not too, but I already tried that, and didnt' work out. So now i'm going where I'm naturally inclined. So thats the mental aspect, lets talk about the sexual side of it. Obviouslly I have the tool down there right now, so If I have penis envy or admire cock then why not use mine? Because I kind of dont know how. Dont get me wrong, I know the textbook procedures of doing it, but I have do drive or pleasure from it. Its kind of like a feeling as I know what I should do but dont know how or feel it. I also have high empathy and could never happily be anything other then sub. I'm also emotionally driven attraction wise and not froma physical stand point. So even though I have it, i dont know how to use it. Its like wanting to be a pro gamer, and knowing how the game is played, but when you start playing the game, you keep pushing the wrong buttons. In many of these ways, (besides it being a smaller member) I have it but can't use it. So I'm envious of guys who do use it and its power that it gives them. Remember How i mentioned i have natural feminine tendacies.
Anyways, I dont want to rehash the other blog post on this which is why I wont go too far into that. Anyways, what this does is make me admire cocks more. I dont really want to say worship them, becuse I dont have that impluse, But i certainly have penis envy, wish a had one or more specifically wish I could be a guy rather then naturally be a female. That last sentence is a hard part to get people to understand, especially real men and feminist, lol. Thats one of the reaons I avoid too many entrees on this subject.
To this gets onto the last aspect of the penis envy. The thought processes that goes through my mind is very contradictory and I think a guy who truly understands it would really enjoy that dynamic. You see, I admire cock, envious of it and the men to wield it, but to me its also humiliating and degrading that for the rest of my life every exposure I have to it will be myself being used for its pleasure. Being on the victim side of its power over me.
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