Compatibility Check
On the surface, many people can make the false assumption that I'm willing to rush into things to fast or without thinking. Specifically when it comes to relationships. For example, if I found a good match for a long term relationship with a guy tomorrow, and there was good chemistry, I wouldn't hesititate to do marriage and such relavely quickly. Or a lot of my feminization goals may seems to quick for some, especially when you consider how little experience I have with being a girl or being with guys. For example, I'm a virgin sexually with men, never dated a man before and yet I'd be okay with life time committment with one without much experience to validate my thoughts there. The poins to fthis paragraph is to point out how on the surface, I may seem a little rash when that is entirely not the case.
Small side note, I mentioned this in previous postings but I never know when someone starts reading me. For a variety of reasons such as this blog more being primarily a way to voice my thoughts at the time, along with myself slowly working on appearing less intelligent and others, you'll notice my blog entrees aren't as polished as they should be. Spelling errors, run on sentences and so on. Truth of the matter is that I'm a very fast typpist and since I don't intend to "publish" any of this and want to appear start appearing less intelligent, I don't fix these entrees beyond the rough draft. Furthermore, I allow myself to go on tangents to help with the unfocused thing. I"m naturally more of a queit person, so I'm hoping getting into the habit of going on tangents in my writing will help me become more talkative in person as well.
Anyways, back onto the the topic of how easy it is to question myself knowing what I want. To address the lack of experience first. I do know from attempted relationships with girls (I believe I've talked about this already) that i'm not comfortable with the "man" role in a relationship as many of them have failed because of my inability in that regard. So then the question becomes on if I'm sure I want to be with a man both relationship and sexually. In a lot of ways, thats like asking a girl saving herself more marriage if she knows she's straight. I know what I like and am attracted to and lack of experience doens't change taht. I do have enough life experience to know that. One thing that does scare me a lot is HIV/STDs and stuff like that, which makes me not want to experiment as well, so inexperience is almost a forced thing on me regardless of my thoughts anyways. I can say more, but thats not exactly what my intended topic for this blog is either, lol.
So, I dabble on and off of looking for a possible LTR. Generally its a little stressful for me because I naturally like people to like me and hate people to not like me. I'm kind of a pleaser in that. Also I've realized that priorities are a little different. Like I totally become boy obsessed when there are guys I really like. I totally relate with girls on that now and hard for me to be judgmental on the mental state. The desire for male approval is very large, lol. As mentioned, I'm very much open to an LTR starting at any point, but overall my current goal is to seriously look consisently come summer 2020 when I should be closer or living female 24/7 if I stay on track. Super excited about that! I know guys are more visually based and because I'm just starting and not passable yet, that makes my stock/worth to a man pretty low ;( Either way, I'm on track now if I can just hold out for the next 5 months or so.
So all of that was kind of a prelude, the point I'm thinking about here is that I'm actually pretty exact on what I look for in a guy or more specifically realizing if we're compatible pretty fast. For example, I feel for a relationship to work out, especially with my more tradiional goals, that I have to be very malleable/flexible to the way he is. And in all honestly, I am probably more easy going, more open minded and more malleable then most people on the planet. That said, the few things I'm inflexible on becomes things that I kind of need the guy to naturally want/like so keep my max flexibility. The most common example I can think of would be that I want to transition all the way, with sex change surgery and all of that. Now I know several guys claim to be okay either way, or open minded in that regard, but that leaves only a 50% interest in me on that at best. Most guys open to me not doing the surgery indicates there desire for a straight relationship may not be high enough for a true long term relationship and also means if they change there mind on it, it would be something I can't be flexible on.
So that is a good example, I'm pretty flexible on a lot of things, but the few things I know I can't be flexible on more my own happiness, becomes compatibility checks for potential mates. The good news is because I have so few of them, and with those compatibility things coming into sync, it allows me to be almost 100% malleable to what the guy or relationship needs. But besides compatibility checks on things I'm inflexible on, there are also things that I pay attention to that shows level of interest.
For example, I large part of who I am, rather good or bad, is that I'm fully feminizing into a female. I wish I was born a girl, but that just didn't happen. So when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. In this case I'm embracing the fact that I failed as a man, and the degrading/humiliation aspect of going from man to female. One of the reasons I've embraced that (beyond just the kink) is that it takes something I dont like about myself (not being born a girl) and makes it into a positive. Some people interpret that differently. So lets say I'm talking to a guy and I mention hints of that. If they just respond in short answers, or don't add on to the conversation, it tells me there interest in that aspect is pretty low and thus probably not compatible in that sense.
There are more compatibilty checks then that, both those two gives a small idea of how I check long term potential. I should also mention that none of those are 100% yes or no. They are red flags that make me look at other things more closely though. I'm a pretty big people watcher as well, part of me figuring out hte male/female dynamic and because of that I'm a great judge of character. In this case how compatible we can be with each other. Oh, here is another "similar goal check;" How much into the male/female relationshp dynamic they are compared to a relationshp dynamic. If the person would approach the relationship with me the same as they would say a guy, that is a strong indication they aren't interested in the man/woman relationship. Here is an example of a typical response that is a red flag for me: "I support what makes you happy." That is a very good and nice statement to make. But also a very general statement that either shows lack of opinion on the matter, scared to express true feelings, or lack of interest in what makes me unique.
So a lot of what I just mentioned is a little more rambling then I intended. I think the main point I'm trying to make and I did give a few examples of is that even though on the outside it may seem that I'm rushing into things, or not thinking enough about goals/wants or such that in actual reality, there is a lot more thought/techniques and so on going into this stuff then one may realize.
Small side note, I mentioned this in previous postings but I never know when someone starts reading me. For a variety of reasons such as this blog more being primarily a way to voice my thoughts at the time, along with myself slowly working on appearing less intelligent and others, you'll notice my blog entrees aren't as polished as they should be. Spelling errors, run on sentences and so on. Truth of the matter is that I'm a very fast typpist and since I don't intend to "publish" any of this and want to appear start appearing less intelligent, I don't fix these entrees beyond the rough draft. Furthermore, I allow myself to go on tangents to help with the unfocused thing. I"m naturally more of a queit person, so I'm hoping getting into the habit of going on tangents in my writing will help me become more talkative in person as well.
Anyways, back onto the the topic of how easy it is to question myself knowing what I want. To address the lack of experience first. I do know from attempted relationships with girls (I believe I've talked about this already) that i'm not comfortable with the "man" role in a relationship as many of them have failed because of my inability in that regard. So then the question becomes on if I'm sure I want to be with a man both relationship and sexually. In a lot of ways, thats like asking a girl saving herself more marriage if she knows she's straight. I know what I like and am attracted to and lack of experience doens't change taht. I do have enough life experience to know that. One thing that does scare me a lot is HIV/STDs and stuff like that, which makes me not want to experiment as well, so inexperience is almost a forced thing on me regardless of my thoughts anyways. I can say more, but thats not exactly what my intended topic for this blog is either, lol.
So, I dabble on and off of looking for a possible LTR. Generally its a little stressful for me because I naturally like people to like me and hate people to not like me. I'm kind of a pleaser in that. Also I've realized that priorities are a little different. Like I totally become boy obsessed when there are guys I really like. I totally relate with girls on that now and hard for me to be judgmental on the mental state. The desire for male approval is very large, lol. As mentioned, I'm very much open to an LTR starting at any point, but overall my current goal is to seriously look consisently come summer 2020 when I should be closer or living female 24/7 if I stay on track. Super excited about that! I know guys are more visually based and because I'm just starting and not passable yet, that makes my stock/worth to a man pretty low ;( Either way, I'm on track now if I can just hold out for the next 5 months or so.
So all of that was kind of a prelude, the point I'm thinking about here is that I'm actually pretty exact on what I look for in a guy or more specifically realizing if we're compatible pretty fast. For example, I feel for a relationship to work out, especially with my more tradiional goals, that I have to be very malleable/flexible to the way he is. And in all honestly, I am probably more easy going, more open minded and more malleable then most people on the planet. That said, the few things I'm inflexible on becomes things that I kind of need the guy to naturally want/like so keep my max flexibility. The most common example I can think of would be that I want to transition all the way, with sex change surgery and all of that. Now I know several guys claim to be okay either way, or open minded in that regard, but that leaves only a 50% interest in me on that at best. Most guys open to me not doing the surgery indicates there desire for a straight relationship may not be high enough for a true long term relationship and also means if they change there mind on it, it would be something I can't be flexible on.
So that is a good example, I'm pretty flexible on a lot of things, but the few things I know I can't be flexible on more my own happiness, becomes compatibility checks for potential mates. The good news is because I have so few of them, and with those compatibility things coming into sync, it allows me to be almost 100% malleable to what the guy or relationship needs. But besides compatibility checks on things I'm inflexible on, there are also things that I pay attention to that shows level of interest.
For example, I large part of who I am, rather good or bad, is that I'm fully feminizing into a female. I wish I was born a girl, but that just didn't happen. So when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. In this case I'm embracing the fact that I failed as a man, and the degrading/humiliation aspect of going from man to female. One of the reasons I've embraced that (beyond just the kink) is that it takes something I dont like about myself (not being born a girl) and makes it into a positive. Some people interpret that differently. So lets say I'm talking to a guy and I mention hints of that. If they just respond in short answers, or don't add on to the conversation, it tells me there interest in that aspect is pretty low and thus probably not compatible in that sense.
There are more compatibilty checks then that, both those two gives a small idea of how I check long term potential. I should also mention that none of those are 100% yes or no. They are red flags that make me look at other things more closely though. I'm a pretty big people watcher as well, part of me figuring out hte male/female dynamic and because of that I'm a great judge of character. In this case how compatible we can be with each other. Oh, here is another "similar goal check;" How much into the male/female relationshp dynamic they are compared to a relationshp dynamic. If the person would approach the relationship with me the same as they would say a guy, that is a strong indication they aren't interested in the man/woman relationship. Here is an example of a typical response that is a red flag for me: "I support what makes you happy." That is a very good and nice statement to make. But also a very general statement that either shows lack of opinion on the matter, scared to express true feelings, or lack of interest in what makes me unique.
So a lot of what I just mentioned is a little more rambling then I intended. I think the main point I'm trying to make and I did give a few examples of is that even though on the outside it may seem that I'm rushing into things, or not thinking enough about goals/wants or such that in actual reality, there is a lot more thought/techniques and so on going into this stuff then one may realize.
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