Emotional Decisions
One of the biggest self discovery things about me, way before I finally decided to go all the way to becoming a girl, was learning the different between logic and rationalizing. In a lot of ways they are used interchangeably by a lot of people. For those who do not know:
Logic - Coming to a conclusion from the facts.
Rational - Finding facts to support the conclusion you want.
For doing high level math/science, knowing the different is important. You rationalize to get to the answer, and then you use logic to see if it actually makes sense. The reason, this was particularly important to me was that it demonstrated some major part of my being. And that is that I generally rationalize way to much.
So a very popular stereotype between men and women is that men are logical and women are emotional. In many ways, another word for being emotional is being rationalize. I go with what my emotions want, and then rationalize why it is the right thing. I so often have to check my emotions to see if I'm thinking logically and honestly being aware of this stresses me out and causes anxiety. So let me talk about a recent example that motivated me to write this particular blog entry.
Right now, I work towards exercising and average of 70-90 minutes a day. Now that is actually broken out among 5 days for those healthy breaks, so its routine for me to exercise for around 2 hours when I do. Exercise is particularly important for my feminization because it increases the speed (can only calorie deficit so much), and keeps the body healthy with the more "rapid" body mass loss. Because exercising is one of the most active things for me to do when I feel I'm not making the progress I want or worried about losing traction, it is so easy for me to exercise too much.
So right there is an emotional thing I run into almost on a daily basis. When I hit my minimum goal, do I continue or do I stop. A lot of the time I want to keep going, but that could cause injury. Sometimes my emotions get the best of and I do. Or there are days where I'm super lazy, and I feel like I should push the exercise off till tomorrow since I do have some flexiblity in the schedule. Then there is like today, where my knee was bothering me a little bit and I did work out yesterday. But I had laser hair removal a few days ago which stopped me from doing my regular Saturday Work out. And thus I really don't want to take away my last "buffer day." And now I spent most of the day thinking abotu what is probably a simple decision for men to make. Do I exercise today or not!?!?!
I honestly am envious on the decision making abilities of men. Whenever I have to make a decision, the best case scenerio is I internally think about it for 10 times longer then I should. I second guess myself, want to always go with what my emotions go with, but then have to check with the logic aspect. Basically a lot of thinking on what shoul dbe a simple issue.
I've mentioned many times how I know I 'failed as a man' and this is just a small relatable example of how I have in the decision making aspect. Because of this it also starts going into the how dumb am I really? Or maybe it should only be men who are smart type of thinking. I'm starting to ramble, but I wanted to give the reader a little idea of the convoluted aspect of my thinking skills and to get a better understanding of how I may seem smart but also dumb at the same time.
There is a youtube video of this girl in USA that pretend (or does she pretend) to be a really dumb girl. One of her videos is talking about trying to get a guy she was talking to online from Britian to buy her the new Sims game. The guy mentions it being too expensive at like 20 pounds, and she talks about a language barrier since she was talking about cost and not weight. Now that sounds like a typical "ditzy" girl comment. But then she continues talking about why that might be the case. For example, Britian might be closer to the Sun and thus have higher gravity which would make money heavier over there.
In a lot of ways I feel like an "educated" version of her sometimes and this is an example of that. I understand logic/rationalizing. I'm educated. But I venture off (to what I used to call creativity) into different directions, perhaps using these "intelligent" terms wrong. For example, an earlier post about body recomposition I called muscle recomposition instead. Me misusing a term which should of been obvious. Okay, I'm rambling again. So let me summarize the point I'm trying to make here. Whenever I see myself in a situation where I have to make a decision, it usually stresses me out and causes me some anxiety even though I'm used to hiding it well. I almost always would be happier going with the emotional impulse even after the case of making the wrong decision. Obviously that isn't good for me, so in many ways I do look forward to the day I have a real man around me to help with these type of things.
Logic - Coming to a conclusion from the facts.
Rational - Finding facts to support the conclusion you want.
For doing high level math/science, knowing the different is important. You rationalize to get to the answer, and then you use logic to see if it actually makes sense. The reason, this was particularly important to me was that it demonstrated some major part of my being. And that is that I generally rationalize way to much.
So a very popular stereotype between men and women is that men are logical and women are emotional. In many ways, another word for being emotional is being rationalize. I go with what my emotions want, and then rationalize why it is the right thing. I so often have to check my emotions to see if I'm thinking logically and honestly being aware of this stresses me out and causes anxiety. So let me talk about a recent example that motivated me to write this particular blog entry.
Right now, I work towards exercising and average of 70-90 minutes a day. Now that is actually broken out among 5 days for those healthy breaks, so its routine for me to exercise for around 2 hours when I do. Exercise is particularly important for my feminization because it increases the speed (can only calorie deficit so much), and keeps the body healthy with the more "rapid" body mass loss. Because exercising is one of the most active things for me to do when I feel I'm not making the progress I want or worried about losing traction, it is so easy for me to exercise too much.
So right there is an emotional thing I run into almost on a daily basis. When I hit my minimum goal, do I continue or do I stop. A lot of the time I want to keep going, but that could cause injury. Sometimes my emotions get the best of and I do. Or there are days where I'm super lazy, and I feel like I should push the exercise off till tomorrow since I do have some flexiblity in the schedule. Then there is like today, where my knee was bothering me a little bit and I did work out yesterday. But I had laser hair removal a few days ago which stopped me from doing my regular Saturday Work out. And thus I really don't want to take away my last "buffer day." And now I spent most of the day thinking abotu what is probably a simple decision for men to make. Do I exercise today or not!?!?!
I honestly am envious on the decision making abilities of men. Whenever I have to make a decision, the best case scenerio is I internally think about it for 10 times longer then I should. I second guess myself, want to always go with what my emotions go with, but then have to check with the logic aspect. Basically a lot of thinking on what shoul dbe a simple issue.
I've mentioned many times how I know I 'failed as a man' and this is just a small relatable example of how I have in the decision making aspect. Because of this it also starts going into the how dumb am I really? Or maybe it should only be men who are smart type of thinking. I'm starting to ramble, but I wanted to give the reader a little idea of the convoluted aspect of my thinking skills and to get a better understanding of how I may seem smart but also dumb at the same time.
There is a youtube video of this girl in USA that pretend (or does she pretend) to be a really dumb girl. One of her videos is talking about trying to get a guy she was talking to online from Britian to buy her the new Sims game. The guy mentions it being too expensive at like 20 pounds, and she talks about a language barrier since she was talking about cost and not weight. Now that sounds like a typical "ditzy" girl comment. But then she continues talking about why that might be the case. For example, Britian might be closer to the Sun and thus have higher gravity which would make money heavier over there.
In a lot of ways I feel like an "educated" version of her sometimes and this is an example of that. I understand logic/rationalizing. I'm educated. But I venture off (to what I used to call creativity) into different directions, perhaps using these "intelligent" terms wrong. For example, an earlier post about body recomposition I called muscle recomposition instead. Me misusing a term which should of been obvious. Okay, I'm rambling again. So let me summarize the point I'm trying to make here. Whenever I see myself in a situation where I have to make a decision, it usually stresses me out and causes me some anxiety even though I'm used to hiding it well. I almost always would be happier going with the emotional impulse even after the case of making the wrong decision. Obviously that isn't good for me, so in many ways I do look forward to the day I have a real man around me to help with these type of things.
Comments
Post a Comment