Who I am?
So I sometimes wonder how broad I want to make this blog. So I enjoy writing, and have always had some form of writing for pretty much any reason you can imagine. All of my writings aren't going on here for example, but this is my primary jounral/diary/record of things towards my feminization goals and a little bit of my thoughts on that. I want to keep it mainly focused on that just for consistency sake. This post is to counterbalance any false impressions people may be having about me. And this is actually kind of a funny thought. The main reason I started writing this journal is just to voice my thoughts/feelings on things. I decided to make it online for multiple reasons. One reason is for full transparency for people who do want to get to know me. Another is to have a record of my transition and thus add legitimacy for when I tell people of stuff. Also nice to meet like minded people and such. Actually, sometimes I don't know why I make this online, lol.
Anyways, this is a post to balance out my other posts. A lot of people who read this blog may think that this feminization, man/woman, future relationship and all of that consumes my every day life and is the sum of who I am. There are two aspects of that I want to clarify before going on. The first is that I'm not a fan of being lumped into the lgbt, trans or woke communities where all of this identity stuff is a huge aspect of their life. Once again, I'm not bashing how anyone wants to live, but its not how I want to live. And just like how identity is a way some people choose tod efine themselves, it is not true for me, and the purpose of this post is to counteract tht a little bit.
The other flip side of it is that I know a lot of my value and definition of a person is being changed then what it was because of my transition to female. In a lot of ways its true for any gender. For example, men are mainly valued for things like provider, protection, builder. Going more towards female I know my worth or value as a person will be defined more in the attractive/domestic/sexual categories and so those are still the big 3 of my goals that I'm slowly working towards. The purpose of this particular blog entry is to counteract the perception that those female qualities i'm working towards is the 100% sum of my being or goals rather then being 60% or 50% or what percentage should all all of that be? Thats actually one of the blog entries I'm going to write at some point, is the different things that give men/women value/worth both societablly, relationship, biologically and all of that.But that is another time. Whatever percentage you think is appropiate for a girl outside of those three I mentioned is what I'mt alking about in this posting, hehe.
So who am I as a person? I guess I'll start with the most stereotypical one in that I'm a nerd/gamer though more of an adult version. Not the type that has all my walls plastered with anime, video games and the such, but a little more tastefully. Like one day I may have the gunblade from ff8 above say a fire place, that kind of thing. The major video games I play is Final Fantasy and Magic the gathering. Those games I've played consistently for like forever. Overwatch has become one of my top three in the last 2-3 years. Outside of those games, I usually jump around a lot, either to coop games that have the rpg element of tank/healer/dps in it, or strategy/simulation games like Civilization, tower defence and such.
Media wise, I've always been into science fiction/fantasy. My favorite show of all time remains Babylon-5, but I also like all the main stays like Star Wars, Star Trek, Stargate, Game of Thrones. I'm also into books as well though such as Sword of Truth, Ender's Game, His Dark Materials, Foundation Series, Dune and so on. Anyone who's seen them all could probably see a small connection, oh yea I like Hyperion as well. I love stories, both on the character level and grand scale opera type of level. One thought I've had the past month or so is how the stories i've seen from my nerdom have made it easier for me to accept my feminization as more of a natural thing. Like objectively speaking, physcholigically speaking, my goal to fully feminize could be seen as a mental decease, I mean ultimately within the next two years I'll be cutting off parts of my body and stuff like that after all. Small side note, thats another difference of me compared to others in my situation, I can be honest about this without getting offended. But the stories i've experienced have given more more of a futurist idea on that, and otherwise. Like I said though, my thoughts are still solidifying on that particular blog entry in the future.
I'm a creative person who is not creative. This one is a little wierd, and I might actually be creative without realizing that is the case. You see, I can't think of an original thought that I've ever had in my life. Everytime I have an idea or something I feel like I'm creating, its really just mixing other ideas I've heard in a better or different combination. But once can argue thats what creative people do or not. I'll give an example. One of my past times is writing a fiction book series that I'll probablya ctually finish 10 years from now. Its kind of a grand epic, where I combine every single story/plot/character development/mythology/history of all time type of thing. Going from fantasy in the past, to present, to future space and that kind of thing. I'm keeping things original in the sense of not copyrighting, but every part of it is heavily influenced by some other story. So is that really me being creative? When I was younge rI used to make my own video games. Now for my job, I make little programs to make it easier for myself. I like doing some math/science just to try figuring out current questions that are popular at the time.
Because of the what I just mentioned, I also like talking to people and hearing diverging ideas. Different world views. I suck at trivial conversations. This is one of the reasons I'm really good at listening. Because if its not something about like current events, history, gaming or something, and more in the part of "hows the weather" i have a hard time keeping those conversations going. I'm great at listening though, hehe.In these ways I guess I can be viewed as a intellectual type. And yet perhaps that is not the best way to describe me if you've read my previous blogs, lol. omg, I'll tell you. Doing a full feminization/transformations of yourself can certainly make figuring out your current/future/past identities correct, lol.
So here is the actual premise that brought this posting on. ONe of the ways I'm dealing with how slow my transition is is by focusing on other aspects of my life when not doing the feminization. For example, the only thing I needed to do today was go to the gym and take the pills, and pay a little attention to the nutrition of my meals. Today is Saturday so the majority of hte day is other things. Thus I gamed, did a little programming, and currently binge watchin ghte Mandalorian on my 7 day free Disney+ trial. Oh, yes, also playe da litlte Magic Arena. Tryign to find a new deck that I'd actually like to play.
By keeping my mind distracted on the "other" aspects of my life, it makes it easier for me to be happy with the speed of my transition even though I spend more time then I probably should thinking about it. It also makes time go by a little faster which is super nice. Oh! I was going to make another blog entry on this, but its probably not a big enough topic for doing so. I'm pretty sure I'm adding Tifa Lockhart from Final Fantasy 8 to my future cosplaying list. With luck 2021 will be when I start doing that gamer girl type of past time! lol. Anyways, now anyone who cares to read my blog knows a little more about who I am as a person outside of my feminization journey!
Anyways, this is a post to balance out my other posts. A lot of people who read this blog may think that this feminization, man/woman, future relationship and all of that consumes my every day life and is the sum of who I am. There are two aspects of that I want to clarify before going on. The first is that I'm not a fan of being lumped into the lgbt, trans or woke communities where all of this identity stuff is a huge aspect of their life. Once again, I'm not bashing how anyone wants to live, but its not how I want to live. And just like how identity is a way some people choose tod efine themselves, it is not true for me, and the purpose of this post is to counteract tht a little bit.
The other flip side of it is that I know a lot of my value and definition of a person is being changed then what it was because of my transition to female. In a lot of ways its true for any gender. For example, men are mainly valued for things like provider, protection, builder. Going more towards female I know my worth or value as a person will be defined more in the attractive/domestic/sexual categories and so those are still the big 3 of my goals that I'm slowly working towards. The purpose of this particular blog entry is to counteract the perception that those female qualities i'm working towards is the 100% sum of my being or goals rather then being 60% or 50% or what percentage should all all of that be? Thats actually one of the blog entries I'm going to write at some point, is the different things that give men/women value/worth both societablly, relationship, biologically and all of that.But that is another time. Whatever percentage you think is appropiate for a girl outside of those three I mentioned is what I'mt alking about in this posting, hehe.
So who am I as a person? I guess I'll start with the most stereotypical one in that I'm a nerd/gamer though more of an adult version. Not the type that has all my walls plastered with anime, video games and the such, but a little more tastefully. Like one day I may have the gunblade from ff8 above say a fire place, that kind of thing. The major video games I play is Final Fantasy and Magic the gathering. Those games I've played consistently for like forever. Overwatch has become one of my top three in the last 2-3 years. Outside of those games, I usually jump around a lot, either to coop games that have the rpg element of tank/healer/dps in it, or strategy/simulation games like Civilization, tower defence and such.
Media wise, I've always been into science fiction/fantasy. My favorite show of all time remains Babylon-5, but I also like all the main stays like Star Wars, Star Trek, Stargate, Game of Thrones. I'm also into books as well though such as Sword of Truth, Ender's Game, His Dark Materials, Foundation Series, Dune and so on. Anyone who's seen them all could probably see a small connection, oh yea I like Hyperion as well. I love stories, both on the character level and grand scale opera type of level. One thought I've had the past month or so is how the stories i've seen from my nerdom have made it easier for me to accept my feminization as more of a natural thing. Like objectively speaking, physcholigically speaking, my goal to fully feminize could be seen as a mental decease, I mean ultimately within the next two years I'll be cutting off parts of my body and stuff like that after all. Small side note, thats another difference of me compared to others in my situation, I can be honest about this without getting offended. But the stories i've experienced have given more more of a futurist idea on that, and otherwise. Like I said though, my thoughts are still solidifying on that particular blog entry in the future.
I'm a creative person who is not creative. This one is a little wierd, and I might actually be creative without realizing that is the case. You see, I can't think of an original thought that I've ever had in my life. Everytime I have an idea or something I feel like I'm creating, its really just mixing other ideas I've heard in a better or different combination. But once can argue thats what creative people do or not. I'll give an example. One of my past times is writing a fiction book series that I'll probablya ctually finish 10 years from now. Its kind of a grand epic, where I combine every single story/plot/character development/mythology/history of all time type of thing. Going from fantasy in the past, to present, to future space and that kind of thing. I'm keeping things original in the sense of not copyrighting, but every part of it is heavily influenced by some other story. So is that really me being creative? When I was younge rI used to make my own video games. Now for my job, I make little programs to make it easier for myself. I like doing some math/science just to try figuring out current questions that are popular at the time.
Because of the what I just mentioned, I also like talking to people and hearing diverging ideas. Different world views. I suck at trivial conversations. This is one of the reasons I'm really good at listening. Because if its not something about like current events, history, gaming or something, and more in the part of "hows the weather" i have a hard time keeping those conversations going. I'm great at listening though, hehe.In these ways I guess I can be viewed as a intellectual type. And yet perhaps that is not the best way to describe me if you've read my previous blogs, lol. omg, I'll tell you. Doing a full feminization/transformations of yourself can certainly make figuring out your current/future/past identities correct, lol.
So here is the actual premise that brought this posting on. ONe of the ways I'm dealing with how slow my transition is is by focusing on other aspects of my life when not doing the feminization. For example, the only thing I needed to do today was go to the gym and take the pills, and pay a little attention to the nutrition of my meals. Today is Saturday so the majority of hte day is other things. Thus I gamed, did a little programming, and currently binge watchin ghte Mandalorian on my 7 day free Disney+ trial. Oh, yes, also playe da litlte Magic Arena. Tryign to find a new deck that I'd actually like to play.
By keeping my mind distracted on the "other" aspects of my life, it makes it easier for me to be happy with the speed of my transition even though I spend more time then I probably should thinking about it. It also makes time go by a little faster which is super nice. Oh! I was going to make another blog entry on this, but its probably not a big enough topic for doing so. I'm pretty sure I'm adding Tifa Lockhart from Final Fantasy 8 to my future cosplaying list. With luck 2021 will be when I start doing that gamer girl type of past time! lol. Anyways, now anyone who cares to read my blog knows a little more about who I am as a person outside of my feminization journey!
Comments
Post a Comment