I do NOT like pretending!
So this may not be exactly what you think the posting is about given what the title is, but it is accurate for maybe giving some insight into my thinking. I've never been a fan of role playing or pretending to be what I'm not. Its probably the main reason I never really got into Dungeon and Dragons though one would think given my nerdiness I would love it. I might get over the roleplaying aspect a little bit as I learn to let loose more and not have to control my emotions as much as I used too.
Well, the role playing thing isn't the purpose of this blog entry anyways, I use it only as an example to give context to my personality. So, one thing that is different on me compared to a lot in my situation is that I don't have an interest in pretending to be a girl till I'm more girl then boy. Same with the man thing, I dont like pretending to be a man (which is what i've been doing for a long time) but physically speaking, I'm still closer to that then female and thus for the time being, I dont like pretending to be a girl in 'real' life. It just feels fake, or fictionalizing, and then it also has the added on thing of trying to force others to play along which is unfair to them. One of the reasons I'm looking forward to the end of summer so much is that If I keep with my current pacing, thats probably when I'll actually bemore passable as a girl then I am as a man. Then it really would be pretending to be a man then actually being one both mentally and physically.
So I do this to put things into context a little bit right now. For example, I didn't start wearing a sports bra while working out till it really was needed. Largey because I felt like it was unneeded and I would be pretending to do the same. Its also one of the reaons I dont dress up in fem clothes that often. Mainly just to take progress pictures and stuff. Its because I feel like I'm pretending to be something I'm not yet. At least in the physical sense. It really creates a contradiction in a sense, when me feelings like i'm pretending being a man all these years, and can't go full fem yet because then I would be pretending when I'm not physically there yet.
Now I am doing everything needed so I can make that 180 transition when the time comes. I practice on my voice for example. I've adjusted my diet to be more female orientated. My hair is growing longer and longer. Chances are, in the coming months I'll start working on perfecting my make up skills. But thats all stuff so that I can make the transition to living female 24/7 when that time comes with as few of hiccups as possible.
So sometimes, people ask me why I dont do more things female right now then I already do. Thats a large part of the reason I just listed. It also gives some context to my view on genders. For me, I'm only really interested in being and social circle with people who believe in only two genders. So whenever someone gives a hint of me staying in the 'trans' state and not having the sex change surgery, it really hits me on several fronts. Besides the gender aspect of me only comfortable with there being TWO genders, it also hits me in the "i would thus always be pretending to be female" when not.
Hehe, so i'm pretty unique compared to others in my position. ONe reason for that is that I have an incredibly strong mental foundation. Now that I'm so firmly on track to going full female over the next few years, even the urges to pretend aren't there much anymore beceause I know its only a matter of time before I don't have a choice but to do.
Well, the role playing thing isn't the purpose of this blog entry anyways, I use it only as an example to give context to my personality. So, one thing that is different on me compared to a lot in my situation is that I don't have an interest in pretending to be a girl till I'm more girl then boy. Same with the man thing, I dont like pretending to be a man (which is what i've been doing for a long time) but physically speaking, I'm still closer to that then female and thus for the time being, I dont like pretending to be a girl in 'real' life. It just feels fake, or fictionalizing, and then it also has the added on thing of trying to force others to play along which is unfair to them. One of the reasons I'm looking forward to the end of summer so much is that If I keep with my current pacing, thats probably when I'll actually bemore passable as a girl then I am as a man. Then it really would be pretending to be a man then actually being one both mentally and physically.
So I do this to put things into context a little bit right now. For example, I didn't start wearing a sports bra while working out till it really was needed. Largey because I felt like it was unneeded and I would be pretending to do the same. Its also one of the reaons I dont dress up in fem clothes that often. Mainly just to take progress pictures and stuff. Its because I feel like I'm pretending to be something I'm not yet. At least in the physical sense. It really creates a contradiction in a sense, when me feelings like i'm pretending being a man all these years, and can't go full fem yet because then I would be pretending when I'm not physically there yet.
Now I am doing everything needed so I can make that 180 transition when the time comes. I practice on my voice for example. I've adjusted my diet to be more female orientated. My hair is growing longer and longer. Chances are, in the coming months I'll start working on perfecting my make up skills. But thats all stuff so that I can make the transition to living female 24/7 when that time comes with as few of hiccups as possible.
So sometimes, people ask me why I dont do more things female right now then I already do. Thats a large part of the reason I just listed. It also gives some context to my view on genders. For me, I'm only really interested in being and social circle with people who believe in only two genders. So whenever someone gives a hint of me staying in the 'trans' state and not having the sex change surgery, it really hits me on several fronts. Besides the gender aspect of me only comfortable with there being TWO genders, it also hits me in the "i would thus always be pretending to be female" when not.
Hehe, so i'm pretty unique compared to others in my position. ONe reason for that is that I have an incredibly strong mental foundation. Now that I'm so firmly on track to going full female over the next few years, even the urges to pretend aren't there much anymore beceause I know its only a matter of time before I don't have a choice but to do.
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