The Value of Men and Women

   Fair warning, this blog post could be scene as offensive, and maybe more academic. As I explore relationship dynamics and the difference/similarity of men/women and expectations, roles and so on its well known that men and women kind of look for different things. For example, men have the stereotype of caring only about a woman's appearance and for sex. Whereas women have the stereotype of caring only about how rich or powerful the man is. These are ofcourse stereotypes, but there is always some truth to them even if misapplied by people.

  We're also in an exciting time from a anthropological point of view. Technology has drastically changed the nature of relationship. In many ways we're moving away from traditional relationships towards a more equal based relationship rather than equality based relationship. I'm not going to say its wrong, but I do see it largely in the 1.0 model type. Meaning that there are going to be lots of problems and bugs that 2.0 model will have fixed. A good example of this is having both spouses having careers. How do they manage having quality time with each other if their hours don't overlap? How is domestic labor split up? How do you handle one person making more then the other when it comes to lifestyle? What happens if one gets a promotion that requires the other to move away from their career track? Without a clear "breadwinner" how does the power structure work? Once again, I do not begrudge any who choose to have this dynamic, I'm just pointing out the challenges it faces in the 1.0 version.

  Wow, this blog is sounding way more academic then I usually write them, lol. Anyways, I'm going to look at things from a more traditional gender role perspective which I'm sure wouldn't surprise anyone. I'm going to talk about the value of someone and its a large priority system in how I've navigated to living my life. Now when I talk about the value of someone, I'm talking about in primary aspects as a general rule and this is especially true to potential mates. What this comes down to, is I believe the top three valuation of a man is his ability to provide, protect and lead. Whereas the three valuation of a woman is: Appearance, domestic and sexual. There are lots of other factors that come into play in attraction such as compatibility, connections and so on, but I see those as the main aspects the other needs/wants from the other. It also gives a good indicator of my new priority orientation on my life decisions.

  I believe those values are true in what most people expect of a man, especially a woman interested in him. I know in a lot of ways society is moving away from this, but there is like 10,000 years of evolution telling us this is true. Just think about how society views a stay at home husband compared to a career woman. The stay at home is clearly at the moment seen as worst. Though there is a growing unpopularity of the stay at home wife, its nowhere near that of the stay at home husband. And that is because this implies his lost of some of those valuations I talked about early. This is also in many ways the three things that I need in any man I'm with regardless of anything else.

   Provide - Needs to be able to provide at least the basics to survive. Food, water, shelter and all of that. There is also the implied aspect that there has to be no worry of his ability to do this. For example, if he lost his job, would I be worried about his ability to do those things. Or did he have savings, strong enough of skills to find another quickly that kind of thing.

  Protect - No woman doesn't like to feel safe. In fact there is a lot of societal discussions on if women getting the right to vote is the main reason for expansion of government on providing more "security." And I don't necessary mean ability to beat anyone up. The idea is to be able to provide that feeling of safe and security and being looked after. I think most people could view this as how they felt when kids from their parents assuming they didn't have a "broken" family.

  Lead - This is a big one that I think a lot of guys are missing in today's society. There is a quote I like. A good leader and make a decision, a great leader makes the right one. Its not so much that he's always right, but the ability to be decisive when needed. A popular way this comes up in pop culture right now is there "where do we eat." I know women make this hard, but guys really do lose sooooo many points by not making a decision. If the girl really makes it difficult, just go with a place anyways. Women may not realize it, but their testing his ability to lead. I know for myself, I'm incredibly naturally passive and submissive. I'm perfectly okay with providing my opinion on things, but I really don't like making decisions for various reasons I've probably already covered.

  So once again, there are lots of other things different people look for in addition, but I feel those are the three things that give men value in the eyes of society and especially in the eyes of potential mates. There are other things I like as well, like gender roles, dominant men and so on, but that goes against this blog entry. Now onto the mainvalues of a woman. And I have honestly re-orientated my life towards these three things. I know they may be placed in different orders for different people, but probably one of the most substantial changes in myself over the last year is what I consider a bigger priority for myself. For example, if I didn't have enough energy to finish an important project due next week AND exercise to become more physically attractive, I actually do the exercise now. Because thats a valuation. A funny side note is I've also noticed recently that people complementing my looks makes me happier then someone complementing my abilities. Its interesting how the estrogen has changed my feelings and outlooks. Anyways....

   Appearance - So men are very visually driven. This is just a reality of there biology, probably from evolution to find good mates for breeding. So I see it as very important to be and maintain as high of a level of attraction as possible. In a lot of ways, I see this is the glue that keeps a guy from wanting to leave, losing sexual interest, and having social contact. For example, I would bet that an attractive woman has more opportunities career and socially then one who isn't. I'm not commenting on how good or right that is, just the reality of societal expectations. The appreance thing isn't just physical as well. There is clothing, make up, hair styles and stuff like that as well. Even a very attractive woman who does the exact same style all the time can get boring and the styling also helps improve good qualities while diminishing others.

  Sexual - Now an obvious reason for the attraction and the sexual evolutionary speaking is for breeding and procreation. In a lot of ways, men conquer the present and women conquer the future. By that, men build current civilization whereas the role of women is ensure the future of it. If you read a lot of happy marriage books aimed at women, you'll see a lot of them (especially older ones) talk about how important a healthy sex life is. I see it as very important to be sure all of hte man's sexual needs are meant. That means as often as he would want along with most if not all of the kinks/fetishes he wants. This keeps the guy from seeking to have his sexual needs fulfilled somewhere else. For myself, I admit i'm still very inexperienced on it, but I'm happy that I have very few limits. Because of how high of a need sex is for what a man needs from a woman, I feel this is also why women may be broader in terms of what they like sexually then men. Because sex isn't one of the main 3 things women look for in a man, but sex is one of hte main 3 things men look for in a woman, it makes it easy to have sexual compatibility if the woman is into more things then the man. Otherwise higher chance of his sexual needs not being met and thus higher chance of the relationship failing. A good example of this would be "choking." More women are into that then men, and its actually a funny meme/commentary you can find on the internet, most recently TikTok.

  Domestic - So in a lot of ways, the appearance and the sexual lead to having a family/home/children but the domestic is the actual maintatining it. Now their is a maintining aspect to the appearance and sexual as well. But those are things that need to be there at all stages of a relationship. The domestic comes in after the courting aspect. This is the typical child rearing, cooking, cleaning, laundry and basically take care of the home front. I also admit this is one of the areas I'm not unsatisfactory in but probably an area I need a lot of growth in. I've already started addressing it, like I cook more home made meals now (or learning how to), and I try to make new lifestyle adjustments to bring up my cleaning rigor every few months and such. I'm a teacher, so child rearing I'm already pretty good at, lol. Back to the point of why this is important. If a man is providing, protecting and leading the last aspect left of "surviving" is the home front. This is also the longer duration on a daily basis of all of those. If you ever look at a curve comparing men and women capabilities, you'll see that men spike more then women. For example, most of the smartest people int he world are probably men. But most of the dumbest people in teh world are also probably men. There is more average intelligent women then average intelligent men. Same thing on the priorities. Providing, protecting and leading are all "spike" requirements. You don't have to make decisions all day long, after you work x hours a day, you have the income for providing and protecting only happens rarely. But domestic is more of an all day or "on call" affair. Meals all time of day, messes always being made, kids dont just dissapear and so on. So kind of unfair to expect men who are doing those fast sudden drain activities to also do the long term maininng things as well.

   Anyways, this is a fast blurb on a traditional sense (not modern 21st century thought) of how men and women are valued. I do think a lot of it is still there today on a biology and phychological level. I also think though not equal, does provide equity and has a long success record especially if both parties can be happy living that kind of dynamic then most "modern" relationship. But despite what others decide to do, I know for my own life, this is the three main things I now value myself on and three of the main things I look for in a man.