Tiffani's Life

  In many ways I'm pretty malleable. Yes there are some things that I do plan to keep about myself and would be "hard limits" but compared to most people and most women, I am incredibly malleable. I'm very easy going and have been able to live with successfully many different type of people. Furthermore, I have many things going for my for my feminization. There is one thing that I already know is going to be one of the hardest things for me to overcome and do I expect it to take a few years to be honest. That is my male ego.   Now don't get me wrong. Though I see the "bratty" thing might be potentially fun for some guys, I'm not bratty in any sense. I genuinely prefer being good, doing my best, and having people like me. I might of mentioned before that I really do respond well to male approval which is kind of a recent discovery. But I know that for my entire life pretending to be a guy and thus very protective of keeping that facade going, has m...

  One of the biggest self discovery things about me, way before I finally decided to go all the way to becoming a girl, was learning the different between logic and rationalizing. In a lot of ways they are used interchangeably by a lot of people. For those who do not know:    Logic - Coming to a conclusion from the facts.    Rational - Finding facts to support the conclusion you want.   For doing high level math/science, knowing the different is important. You rationalize to get to the answer, and then you use logic to see if it actually makes sense. The reason, this was particularly important to me was that it demonstrated some major part of my being. And that is that I generally rationalize way to much.   So a very popular stereotype between men and women is that men are logical and women are emotional. In many ways, another word for being emotional is being rationalize. I go with what my emotions want, and then rationalize why it is the righ...

 I wrote on this a while before the last time this topic came around politically, so in a lot of ways this is a sequal to that particular writing. In that case, I was referring to a few news articles that went over the interweb about how women are having trouble finding men who are successful and interested in them. The article was framed in a way to sound liek guys are becoming worst/lazier with women becoming more equal and thus make it hard for women, especially those in their 30s to find even a satisfactory date.   There was also a outcry against guys who online was saying why this is the case. For example, hard to have households where you have both parners being career focused. That makes it difficult to make household decisions if one job requires new hours/different location while the other doesn't. It also creates difficulties for finding time where both partners can actually be together. Historically speaking, having only one person being career focused allowed the...

  First I feel I should point out that I don't actually write down every maintanence step I'm doing towards the feminization. Just things that kind of change the status que. I've written on all of my doctor appointments becaues in each one something new happened. Like going on anti-testostorone, then going on estrogen, then increasing estrogen. Speaking of which, going up to a possible max dosage of estrogen in my next appointment in two weeks! I say possible because there is a 50% change after two months of that, they'll increase it just one more time.   Anyways, as I was saying, I don't write every time I do something to maintain the status quo. For example, I don't write every time I take my new measurements, or go to the gym. Probably the best illustration is I don't write every time I go in for another laster hair removal treatment on my face. I've actually been doing that every two months for about 8-10 months now, which I had another one today f...

  So I sometimes wonder how broad I want to make this blog. So I enjoy writing, and have always had some form of writing for pretty much any reason you can imagine. All of my writings aren't going on here for example, but this is my primary jounral/diary/record of things towards my feminization goals and a little bit of my thoughts on that. I want to keep it mainly focused on that just for consistency sake. This post is to counterbalance any false impressions people may be having about me. And this is actually kind of a funny thought. The main reason I started writing this journal is just to voice my thoughts/feelings on things. I decided to make it online for multiple reasons. One reason is for full transparency for people who do want to get to know me. Another is to have a record of my transition and thus add legitimacy for when I tell people of stuff. Also nice to meet like minded people and such. Actually, sometimes I don't know why I make this online, lol.   Anyways, th...

   So this has always been what I think is the biggest contradiction about my personality. I've hinted at this before but it has always been kind of a grey area that I gloss over. And honestly, I'm still working to figure it out, and probably still a year or two from understanding this facet about myself.    There are several reasons I know that I'm better off as a girl, and should of went girl way earlier. An obvious one is that I have so many natural tendacies that i've been hiding for my whole life. Things like being a little silly, or excitable, easily scared, avoiding conflict and the like. Another is that I'm a failure of pretty much anything expected as a guy. For example, every single relationship I tried with a girl before, i've always been asked to get my testorone levels checked. Kind of funny considering that my testostorone levels are now next to zero, lol. And multiple other reasons.   When I look back at my life, the later into it I get, and t...

  Had my next doctor appointment today. My estrogen intake has now doubled up to 4mg and I'm still doing the 100mg of testosterone blocker with it. My next appointment will be a month from now where I"m supposed to go up to 6mg and then thats when we do a holding pattern for about 2 months to see how well my body is reacting on how the dosage needs to be impacted. Its kind of funny, as now that I've been in several times, I can see many things they do to stop their patients from making rash decisions, hehe. They ask a lot of questions about my feelings and I know some of that is about the effects of the hormones, but a lot of it is also to see if I have second doubts or anything depression related. They also make the subscriptions very inflexible. FOr example, if I was to take myself up to 6mg right now before next month I would run out.   I feel and I do want to emphasize the feel that they are going a little bit slower then neccessary, but given how many people dont re...

  So for those who do not know, Muscle Recomposition is when you are gaining muscle at the same time you are losing fat. This ends up being a huge deterrent to many people trying to lose weight, because when they step on the scale they see themselves gaining weight even though they've been working out and maybe dieting as well. This is because muscle actually weights more than fat. Thus any losing weight plan that has a strong component of exercise, will run into this issue. Now I should point out that I am losing weight every week, but not as much as I would like to feel good.   So I'm starting off over weight. The past year or so I've been in the worst shape of my life because of just a punch of curve balls life has thrown at me. Two years ago I essentially lost most of my family and friends due to various reasons, was in a stand still in my career despite my best efforts, and in debt for the first time in my life due to said family issues and such. Then I moved a year ...